the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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