He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
