i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
