it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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