ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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