I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
3pm strippers are depressing
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
