A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
