So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
