sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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