No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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