tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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