dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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