As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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