I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize