Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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