my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
where are my eyebrows?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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