and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
