seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
