addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
