i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
