broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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