OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
