So drunk its hurt
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
