I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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