i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
