Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
