I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
