I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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