it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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