Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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