K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
