The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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