And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
