She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
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As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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