if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
