all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
