all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
