i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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