Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize