Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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