is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
