Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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