Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
