And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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