ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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