How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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