I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
