im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize