My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
