3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
