Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
