True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
