I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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