i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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