you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
