we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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