meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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