Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
