Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
