ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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