my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
