I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
