she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
