we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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