oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
