i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
