At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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