I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
