The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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