I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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