fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
