Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
