Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
