i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
