I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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