You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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