Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
