Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
