Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
