Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
These tits shall not be calmed
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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